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Name: Joanna (:
Birthday: 9/14/1993
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Member Since: 4/5/2008

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Monday, August 24, 2009

UPDATE NINE.

01.
A three word statement does not justify the importance that you have in my life. Instead of saying 'I love you', I want you to know that no statement in the english language or any other language could possibly captivate the very essence of how much I truly treasure your existence.

02.
I mean, when we were born, you told me that we used to take walks in our strollers together in the park. When we were two, we were best friends, I mean, I, I knew everything about this girl. I knew her favorite color. I knew her favorite food. Then we became six, you know, and Eric made fun of me because it wasn’t cool to have a best friend that was a girl or even know a girl, so for the next seven years, I threw dirt at her. I like to call those “the lost years.” Then when I was thirteen, she put me up against my locker and she kissed me. I mean, she gave me my first kiss. She taught me how to dance. She was always talking about these crazy things and I never understood a word she said. All I understood was that she was the girl I sat up every night thinking about, and when I’m with her, I feel happy to be alive. Like I can do anything. Even talk to you like this. So, that’s what I feel love is, Mom, when I better because she’s here…
--boys meets world.

03.
I love you. Not maybe, not tomorrow, not someday, right now. At this very moment. I realized something. I need you, I trust you, I admire you. I want you. And you can be wrong a lot of the time, and we can fight, and get mad at each other, but nothing, nothing in this world can change the fact that I love you.

04.
When you start thinking about him and how he makes you laugh, and how he makes you feel when your around
him. You realize you care about him a lot more than you thought you did.

05.
Best friends hang tough, the don't come with fragile stickets and aren't easily scared of ticked off. Best friends help you out whenever the can, and make time for you even when they don't have any. Best friends are cross your heart and hope to die, good times and bad times, borrow anything, tell you everything trust you with their deepest darkest secrets, always and forever.

06.
I'll be forever thankful. You're the one who held me up and never let me fall, you're the one who saw me through it all.

07.
There's something about the look in your eyes. Something I noticed when the light was just right. It reminded me that I was alive and it reminded me that you're so worth the fight.
--incubus.

08.
So, maybe I was wrong in thinking we were meant to be and that we were made for each other. Maybe we were never supposed to fall in love the way we did, hell, we probably shouldn't have me at all. But I know this much, if we aren't meant to be I can seem to come to terms of saying goodbye to you, and if we weren't supposed to fall in love then it was the most beautiful mistake I've ever made. And if i hadn't met you I probably wouldn't be the young woman I am today. I loved you with everything I had in me.

09.
And there are those occasional nights when you break down and cry because everything's changing and there's nothing you can do.

10.
She felt the urge to scream but her cry got caught in her throat. She wanted to cry to show him how much he hurt her but the tears wouldn't fall. She needed to end this but the words couldn't come out. She wasn't strong enough to let him go.

11.
Maybe love, too, is beautiful because it has a wildness that cannot be tamed. I don't know. All I know is that passion can take you up like a house of cards in a tornado, leaving obstruction in its wake. Or it can let you alone the armed guards to keep it from touching you. The real tricks it to let it in, but to hold on. To underst and because you have to build a stone wall against it, set out that the heart is as vast and wide as the universe, but that we come to know it best from here

12.
I'm scared. I'm scared that I'm not going to be okay. That maybe it's not going to work out in the end. Maybe that's giving up hope but maybe it's thinking logically. I've had too much time alone to think about this. But it's like I've had this time because I actually give a fuck about people. I have compassion. Apparently, I'm the only one. I never got the memo to give up on your best friends.

13.
Maybe I don't smile as much as her and maybe I don't have as many friends as she does; but I'll bet you she hasn't gone through what I have. I'll bet she has never sat down on her stairs and just cried, cried her heart out because the whole world was caving in and she just couldn't take it.

14.
Things were much different then. I believed in anything back then. I had hope. You haven't taken it all away from me back then. I had big dreams. They hadn't been ruined by you back then. Don't ask me to follow you. I don't think I can take another step. Not with you; not anymore.

15.
I think that we got so close, there was no choice but to tear ourselves away from each other. We're too young and maybe one day, we'll be perfect for each other again, and every mistake we ever made will let us fall into place with one another. Maybe one day we can do this again.

smaller post today sorry =(
<33
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Tuesday, August 18, 2009

UPDATE EIGHT.

I would like to see some more comments please; thank you.
much love <33

01.
And he looked at me, with the same look in his eyes as the first day we met. And I knew, right then, I could never look at anyone else that way again.

02.
As she slowly stopped crying, she realized the good in the world. Oh, she knew she'd miss him. She knew it would hurt. But sometimes moving on starts with goodbye.

03.
I can't tell you how much I'd love to take back every word I said. You gave me every reason to ignore the lies you fed me then. And I'm so sorry, I must escape before you suffocate me, so I waited patiently as long as I could, fought so hard for someone that I loved, but who later turned out to be someone I hardly knew.

04.
Tell me I'm not making a mistake. Tell me that you're worth the wait, that you're always going to be there. Make me belive that I'm making the right deciscion by still holding on. Show me that you're going to be around to catch me when I fall.

05.
There was a time where I stayed up till 1 or 2 to figure out the reason why I fell in love with you. I used to have a grip on everything, now what I know is all that's left of me and what I can't let go.

06.
There are times when I can't decide to see you or not. I want to see you because I miss you, but there are times when I don't want to see you because everytime I do, the fact that you don't see me the way I see you hurts me even more.

07.
You can feel when someone you hold close to your heart is slipping away, little by little. It's when the mere thought of losing a friend can bring you to tears almost instantly. The pain you are beginning to feel can crush your entire heart. Yet everything that you try to do to solve the problems only push them further and further away from you. When the only chance of getting back to the way things were in the beginning is to hope this person realized what they may be losing.

08.
We talk like we know what's going on, but we don't. We don't know anything. We're young and we're going to screw up, a lot. We're gunna keep changing our minds and sometimes our hearts. And through all that, the only real thing we can offer each other if forgiveness.
--Dawsons Creek.

09.
Sometimes I wonder if anything's absolute anymore. Is there still right and wrong? Good and bad? Truth and lies? Or is everything negotiable, left to interpretation, grey. Sometimes we're forced to bend the truth, transform it. Cause we're faced with things that are not of our own making. And sometmes things simply catch up to us.
--One Tree Hill.

10.
It's the kind of relationship wjere they have a secret handshake, and she begs him to watch Disney movies with her, while he begs her to watch a scary movie instead. It's where they laugh and joke all the time but they're serious when the time is to be serious. It's where neither of them have to say 'I love you' because they know with all their hearts that they love each other. It's where they can mess around on her couch and then she'll laugh at him when he tries not to look guilty in front of her Dad. It's the kind of love that everyone dreams of.

11.
I've never been scared of someone before. Sometimes a little intimidated but never scared. But you, you scare me with your beautiful eyes and amazing smile. I'm so scared that I'll want to love you forever and you'll only want me for a few moments in your life.

12.
It's times like these, you realise who your real friends are. You learn that being fake doesn't cut it, holding back doesn't make it and sometimes being best friends just isn't worth it.

13.
I say I'm fine, but I'm going insane. I say I feel good but I'm in so much pain. I say it's nothing but it's really a lot. I say I'm okay, but I'm actually not.

14.
She's fed up with it all, she's tired of believeing all the stupid lies and she hates all the cheating. A girl who can't stand how everyone is just looking for someone to hurt and how nobody tells the truth anymore, a girl who just wants to get back to the good old days.

15.
Don't fool yourself into thinking he's missing you, he never had and never will. The harsh reality of love.

16.
Don’t let him build you up with his words because the higher you get, the harder you fall and believe me, you always fall.

17.
Do you ever miss me? Do you ever miss the way we used to be? When we used to talk and laugh and flirt? When you used to purposely bump into me in the hall just so you could see me look at you and smile? Do you miss our conversations? And what about our dumb sarcasm that only you and I understood? Do you ever miss any of that? I think maybe I do, because sometimes when I look at you, you'll randomly look at me and stop what you're doing just so you can look into my eyes like you used too. And even though it only lasts for two seconds, for those moments everything feels right. Do you miss that? I can't be the only one who does.

18.
It isn't about showing off and saying all the right sweet nothings at all the ideal times. It isn't about acting a certain way. It's about being who you are, it's about laughing, it's about being together and that being enough.

19.
I'm sorry for everything I've said and for everything I forgot to say. When things get so complicated, I stumble at best to muddle through... I wish our lives could be simple, I do not want the world, I only want you.

20.
I thought I'd write, I thought I'd let you know in the year you've been gone I've finally let you go. And I hope you find some time to drop a note. But if you won't, then you won't. And I will consider you gone. I know that you went straight to someone else while I worked through all this shit here by myself. And I think that you should spend some time alone, but if you won't then you won't.

21.
It will always be me and you, cause to me you're everything I've always needed. And that's the kind of love you just can't let go of. You'll always be able to have me and that's something I can promise you. Just being near you for awhile is enough.

22.
Love comes when manipulation stops. When you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself truthfully, when you dare to be vulnerable.


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UPDATE SEVEN.

01.
Darling, I know you've suffered a great loss, a great break, but lovely, don't worry... Sometimes things aren't meant to be. Don't allow the heartbreak to make you suffer. Don't forget it either, it's a lesson learned in your heart. You'll learn that you have a love, somewhere, that people do care, that someone will always be there. Just remember, never forget that lesson the heart learns can help you love and not hear, or it can break you, make you tear.

02.
She looks down at her damaged arm. All the harm is done. Every regret she lives with she'd do anything to go back to the day she held that razor in her hand. Twist the story around and put it down. She'd do anything to get rid of the awful scars. Her painful memories. She won't forget the pain that put them there.

03.
Yeah, they make jokes, they don't want us together but I dont care. We finally have each other. So let them stare. Let them gossip. Let them glare and put us down. I still don't care. I've waited too long and I've been through too much to get here and now that we're together everything seems so clear. No one else matters but you and me and this is exactly how I want us to be.

04.
I love you, the truth is, I alwayd did. When you were coming on strong it scared me, I guess I just never wanted to admit it to myself. I didn't want to be fragile and another one of those girls who became infatuated with a guy. But honestly, with everything I have, I want to be with you. And only you. To kiss you every chance I have, to hold hands, to smile, to feel special. I just want to be with you, even if I have to wait forever, with everything I have. I'll be waiting.

05.
I am a tear, I've been here before. I know her perfumed fingers, I know the cold, hard floor. Everytime you leave her, everytime you don't call. When she can't help herself, it's my job to fall.

06.
The worst feeling isn't being lonely, but being forgotten by someone you can't forget. To look back and see how things used to be; knowing it'll never be the same- and realizing it doesn't matter to him at all because he doesn't miss a thing.

07.
We had said goodbye so many times before, but somehow our paths always managed to cross and we ended up in each other's arms. But now when we said this goodbye. I have this feeling that I will never see you again. And that really hurts because I know that we are meant to lead our own seperate lives. And I honestly don't wanna cross your path in the future cause I don't want all these feelings to come back and have to try and get over you all over again.

08.
And then we just clicked again, we talked like we used to, we called every night, we hung out like it was no bid deal when we really knew it meant everything. And for that certain time it was like nothing had changed, it was just like it should be. But as I look back on the memories I realize that we have changed in great ways. And I guess that's not so bad because that's what makes these times so incredible.

09.
I looked at your tonight and it was like you completely came out of your shell. There was like this total new found confidence that just seemed to burst from you and I know what it must have taken for you to get up and do that tonight and thank God, look at you. It's like you transformed into this beautiful... God... I mean I'm sitting here with my best friend and my palms are sweaty. I've known you forever but I feel like I'm seeing you for the fist time tonight.
--Dawson's Creek.

10.
You're probably right... I'm sure I don't have any idea what you're going through. How hard it is to let someone go. How painful it must be to know that as right as you are for each other, it doesn't mean you're right for each other right now. I wouldn't know a thing about that. About how it makes you want to scream, or hit someone... or cry.

11.
Well, you might hide behind your computer screen. And I might hide behind my music, and she might hide behind her sports. But the truth of it is, we all have something that we're hiding. And maybe we should stop running for cover, cause what might happen when those things can't defend us anymore?

12.
There are things you don’t wanna happen but you just have to accept. There are things you don’t wanna know
but you gotta learn & there are people that you can’t live without but sometimes you just gotta let them go.

13.
I’ve given a lot of thought to the nights we used to have. The days have come and gone, our lives went by so fast..
I faintly remember breathing on your bedroom floor. Where i laid and told you, but you sweared you loved me more.

14.
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring… All of which have the potential to turn a life around.

15.
Lets drive into the sunset, Sing love songs, mkae unkeepable promises and swear we’ll never love anyone else.

16.
I dove in head first. Stupidity broke my fall... And my heart.

17.
She's given up on trying to please everyone and anyone at the exact same time. She's putting herself first; for once.

18.
Sometimes you have to accept there's nothing left to save. That click you shared when you were together has gone during the months you spent apart. No matter how awful it may seem, how it is is you're going to have to let go. You can't fake love.
--UNSAIDXWISHES;copyright.


19.
There's no reason to break up. All those unreasonable excuses; why break up when you know you still have feelings for that person? You're just hurting yourself and the person you love. You know you still feel for them, yet you won't admit it. You don't love them anymore, you say? Well, then let go. Why can't you let go? Stop noticing what they say or do all the time, quit glancing over when they're around, stop thinking back to things that they said to you or done with you. Can't? That's when you know that you're not completely over them yet. You try to keep yourself busy with homework and try talking to other people, but does it really word? If not, you're either stupid, or just ridiculous. Why? Obviously you still have feelings for them. Let someone know when you care about them; tell the you love them. Tell them if you miss them. Chances don't come to you; you go find them. Trust and believe. If you think you have feelings for them, trust you feelings and believe you do. Because you do.

20.
It's your fault things are the way they are. Can't you see the hurt you've caused? If you're looking for forgiveness, you have to show you mean it. But you're just so caught up in the person you've become.

21.
Cause that's what life's about. It's about the times where you lay on the grass next to someone you love. It's about the colour of the sky, it's about a roaring fire on a winter eve. Everybody hurts, everybody bleeds. Everybody laughs and smiles and loves. And that's all that it is. There's no meaning of life, it's nothing that can be defined. It's a matter of writing your own definition.

22.
You know what? Tragadies happen. What are you going to do? Give up? Quit? No. I realize now that when your heart breaks,you got to fight like hell to make sure you're still alive. Cause you are, and that pain you feel, it's life. The confusion and fear, that's there to remind you that somewhere out there is something better and that something is worth fighting for.

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Sunday, August 16, 2009

UPDATE SIX.

01.
Many people tell me I've changed, the truth of the matter is that I've finally become myself.

02.
Sometmes I'm a self fake and you're always a true friend. I don't deserve you, cause I'm not there for you. Please forgive me again. I want to be there for you, someone you can come to.

03.
Tell me it's just a phase. I don't want to stay like this, cutting my wrists. Because I know one of these days I'll go too far. So tell me it's okay, to make a new start.

04
I remember the worse... I think of the times I cried. I thought I couldn't hurt more but I was wrong. Because the pain of losing you then doesn't at all compare to what I feel now. Because the pain I feel now is the pain of knowing that I will never even get the chance to lose you again.

05.
I can't believe I just gave up. I just let you drop out of my life. I tried to make you stay, then one day it got too hard and I saw what you really wanted was a life without me. So I gave up and now you're really gone. I wish I could make you come back but tears, wishes and remininscing do nothing but make my heart break a little bit more.

06.
Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies. So I don't know what's real and what's not. Always confusing the thoughts in my head, so I can't trust myself anymore.

07.
Go ahead and look away, act like everything's okay. Ignore my tears, I understand; you're killing me as you take her hand.

08.
You're talking to a girl who has had her heart broken, cried for continuous hours, yelled and screamed for help. A girl who turned her back on the word and a girl who did nothing but love someone who couldn't love her back.

09.
What upsets me is not the fact that you lied to me, but the fact that I can no longer trust you.

10.
As I stand here tonight and look up at the huge sky filled with all those stars I think of you. I think of all the times we were together and I think of the times we looked up at the very same sky. And then I realized how much I miss you. I thought I could get through it. I thought I would be okay. But how can I be? Without you I stand alone in the huge world... I stand alone.

11.
Now thanks to you I'm scared to fall in love again. First of all, you broke my heart when I expected you to be the last one to do it. And now I'm left with my hearts broken and in pieces. And you don't even bother to notice. It's said cause all along I thought you knew me better than anyone else. But now I'm starting to wonder if you ever even knew me at all.

12.
She's gunna break your heart but she feels terrible inside. She knows that it's gunna be tough but she doesn't want to hurt you even though she knows she will.

13.
I hate how we never got our chance to see what could have been. I hate how I know I'm not over you and how I pretend to be. I hate how you're totally moved on and you have no idea that I haven't.

14.
I always thought we'd make it through anything and I still kind of believe it. Yeah, I have a new boyfriend and you have found someone else too, but I still have this feeling deep inside of me that someway, somehow, we're going to end up together.

15.
I go into the bathroom and stall, put my head to my hands while the tears start to fall. You're too busy with her to see that I'm crying. When I walk out that door I'll be smiling, but inside I'm truly dying.

16.
No, no. You can't stop. Please don't go away. Please? No one's ever stuck with me for so long before and if you leave, if you leave I just... I remember things better with you. I do, look, P. Sherman 42, 42... I remember it. I do. It's there. I know it is, because when I look at you, I can feel it and when I look at you and I, and I'm home. Please I don't want that to go away. I don't want too forget.
--Finding Nemo.

17.
I've been running around for the last year trying to find some clarity. And all of a sudden, it's so clear it's ridiculous. I want to be with you.

18.
It's pretty fucked up, when the tears do the talking and the razors do the talking.

19.
We used to be able to talk about everything but now it's impossible to even start a decent conversation with you... You can't dent it, things have changed... We've grown apart and you have to face the fact that I will no longer be ther every single time you need me. The truth is what it is... And that is I do not have anymore respect for you as an individual anymore. You're just another face in the crowd.

20.
When the very thought of him makes you cry and you think that you're going to be sick, you thinkg of everything that happened in the past and a smile comes to your face. You swear you didn't like him anymore but then it hurts you. You don't like him anymore, you love him.

21.
He says he's happy, so I should be happy for him. It's hard getting over the good times, the memories. She's in his world now, he has left me behind. Dont get me wrong, I enjoy being his best friend. But sometimes, just sometimes I still hope he's lying.

22.
http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"> name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"> name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"> name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12">

Brace yourself child, you’ve allowed yourself to become suicidal. Not by a bullet or drug but by the pure aching of love. You’ve allowed yourself to get caught up, clinging to him for help. He’s not going to do anything darling, it’s just another trick. Brace yourself, beautiful you know what’s going to happen, you know of his intentions and yet you beg for more. Darling, I will pray for you forever more. You’ve allowed yourself to one day die a tragic death, not be suffering or by pain by the clenching of the heart. The blood soaking into the ground, your eyes filled with those heartbroken tears. I am going to warn you, and warn you once. Brace yourself child, it won’t be easy when he breaks you. Promise me and yourself that you won’t give up.


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Thursday, August 13, 2009

UPDATE FIVE.

01.
i wanted to tell him that i’ll never be sorry for loving him. in a way, i still do, and maybe i always will. i’ll never regret a single thing we did together because what we had was special. maybe if we were ten years older, it would have worked out differently. maybe, i think, we just weren’t ready for forever

02.
I'm sorry won't cut it for the rest of your life. Get over yourself and say goodbye. I hope you realize that you threw away the best thing that ever happened to you. Forget my name and forget my face, I hope you get on a plane and forget this place, so I never have to deal with you again.

03.
It's either the bravest thing I've ever done, or most idiotic. And I suddenly realize how hard it is to tell the difference.

04.
You very rarely get everything you want in life. But when you don't fight for it, you have even less of a chance, so here I am, fighting for you.

05.
We've been fighting constantly, and you've been trying to find a solution to save us, to make me believe that there could be a you and me. But then I realized you can't find a solution. Because there isn't one. There's nothing you can do to win me back. You've hurt me too many times and missed too many chances.

06.
I know it hurts. I know that. But if you give up now, you may be missing something greater than you could have ever imagined. And no one wants to miss somethng like that. Something tht could change their life forever. Just keep holding on and I promse it will get better.

07.
When it comes to relationships, people are always so scare of the 'what ifs', that they forget 'what is'. They spend so much time thinking, 'what if I get hurt' and 'what if it doesn't work out?' that they stop thinking about the things that are already real. They forget the feeling they get when the person they love walks into the room and the excitement that rushes through them when the phone rings cause it might be the person they are waiting to hear from. Never leave the fear of what if stop youfrom letting yourself take a chance on love... because what if this is the person you're destined to spend the rest of your life with?

08.
Just say what you mean and mean what you say. Don't expect someone to read your mind and don't play games with heads or hearts. Don't tell half truths and expects trust when the full truth comes out. Half truths are no better than lies. Don't be cold to someone you care about- indifference hurts more than angry words.

09.
As great as we have been, I think that I would be better off if I let you go. See, you know you have me, but I can't say the same for you. I don't know if I have you, or if I ever will. That's what breaks my heart. I can't spend my entire life waiting for you to decide what you want, or if you think we'll make it. I just can't. So for now, I am saying goodbye.

10.
Some people ask me why I can't give up on you, they don't know about the midnight calls, or how you treated me like a star. They don't know what I know.

11.
Now that it's been a while and we're both letting down our guards, is it safe for me to admit that I'm not ready to move on yet?

12.
Everyone's heartbroken nowadays, but I mean, we all just gotta move on. What's the point of reminsicing when you know the person is no longer worth while; when they're no longer who they used to be? When their heart is somewhere else? Do you think they still care for you, still sit there thinking about you? Because frankly, they don't.

13.
She's going to break your heart and she feels terrible inside, she knows it's going to hurt you and she doesn't want too. But she will.

14.
You changed me in ways I thought I’d stick with forever. I try not to care as much what people think of me but it’s still hard sometimes. I’m more at peace with who I am and there’s no longer a war against my mirror every single morning. You made me appriciatte all the small things in life which makes everything else seem to fit. I miss you insane amounts, but I have to remember that it was me who let you go and something I’ll have to live with. Perhaps it was a mistake, but we live, learn and move on. One day everything’ll fit again… one day
--UNSAIDXWISHES;copright.

15.
Back then I needed you, I needed to hear you say you loved me, and I needed you to care. But, like I said, that was then and I don't need you anymore, but that doesn't mean I don't want you to need me.
--Katie Neil.

16.
I don't want things to be like this anymore, I want to talk to you and I want to be with you. But it seems lime everytime we're close, something happens and we're right back to fighting. And the truth is, I hate not talking to you.

17.
You've hurt me more than I've ever been hurt before, but that's not the part that bothers me, really. The part that really bothers me is the fact I still love you.

18.
We can't even look at each other, I turn away from you because I don't want you to see the hurt in my eyes and you turn away from me because you don't want me to see that you still care. I know you do. You have too, we never wanted to leave eachother, we just had too. We had to.

19.
I left the light on for you, but you never even came. I'm fucking sick and tired of trying to forget your name.

20.
What is change? Why is change, change? Is it a good thing, is it a bad thing? Can it be both? Why does life revolve around it? Why aren't things the same afterwards? Why does change have the power to switch everything? Why can't it leave us alone? The answer isn't that hard. Without change, there would be no life. Things change everyday, sometimes it's beneficial. And sometimes it's not. But just like anything else in life. To get through it, you have to face it.

21.
I asked you what it's like to love, break and die all in the same breath. You said it's like walking with silence in December while a million hearts explode in your chest, but you don't care enough to feel it.

22.
There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave. You were what I wanted, I gave what I gave. I'm not sorry I met you and I'm not sorry it's over. And I'm not sorry there's nothing left to save.




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